“My love for you is like a dove”—wait, how is love even like a dove?
Well, doves are pure, I guess.  But they’re also flying rats, and they
Build flimsy nests.  Is my love a flying rat with a flimsy nest?  
A second thought arrives and I think I should change this.

“My love for you is true.”  True?  How is love true?  Can it be false?
Maybe she’ll take this as a lustful statement.  “Of all the fish in the sea,
You’re the one for me!” Wait… am I likening her to a fish?  Of all the
Ugly beings in the world I chose you—I can’t do this!

“You are the apple of my eye”—but I don’t even like apples (allergies).
Am I now saying I’m allergic to her? How about just similes?  
“Your eyes are like diamonds.” Cold and hard and costly?
“Your hair is like silk…” So your hair comes from a spider’s rear?  No.
“Your smile lights up the room.”  Like a flashlight?  Erm…

You know what.  I think I should just buy her a box of chocolates.